She is not me...even though she was born on my birthday

Even though Junior High still seems to be able to provoke interesting behavior from within me almost 30 years later, I feel as a parent, it is my duty to always "remember what it was like to be 14" before I react to my 14 year old daughters behavior. At least this is what I was told, just before my now 14 year old turned 10, by an old friend who has grown children. "Just wait" she says, "you will get back what you gave to your mother, so never forget what it was like to be a teenager".

This seemingly innocent piece of motherly advice sent the fear of g-d through me. I soon found myself waiting...waiting...waiting, for the day when I will have to field the tears, the heart ache, the low self esteem due to sudden weight gain and budging Jewish thighs and awkward large breasts, the "who is going with who and not me", the sneaking, lying and deceptive eye rolling behavior. I waited, 11, 12, 13, all the while watching her grow into this beautiful, non bulging, confident, long legged woman. I lurked through text messages and emails, monitoring facebook pages and asking very pointed questions about boys and possible uncomfortable moments, friendships only to find that I mostly just ended up embarrassing myself...and then, when I couldn't get her to admit or even suggest to similar experiences I had already engaged in my early teens, I realized she is a first child and very much her own person. That her straight A's and lack of extreme drama in Jr. High is actually, maybe a bit more innocent than my experiences.

It was then that I announced "she is such a good girl!" and also realized I was not...and Junior high was where it all began. So I tell myself to play it cool and don't let on that you 'll except anything less then an 8Th grader whose first and only kiss, that had to be held for 10 Mississippi while she squeezed her eyes shut and waited for it to be over, was on stage, in front of an audience, her whole family, including her grandparents, to experience along with her.

Nope, that was not me and she is not me - Thank g-d for small favors! I was not given a child who gave me what I gave my mother...and so I now quietly wait, with my mouth shut and eyes open, for the deep teens.

Life Lesson #7 - Do not project or let onto your children how stupid or awkward you behaved or responded to the early teen years. Be the hypocritical parent and only expect the best and yet when they exhibit similar behavior remember what it felt like and listen.

Life Lesson #8 - It is not my job as a parent to teach my children lessons that they already know the answer to, can figure out on their own or may not even have to experience because they are smarter or wiser then I was at that age..and maybe...just maybe...we as parents, did something a little right along the way to promote this. Gratitude!